President Donald Trump’s Space Force may have Uranus in its sights. That’s a scary prospect, given that Trump believes space to be a “warfighting” domain, according to a June 18, 2018 CNN News report. A mission to Uranus would likely include probes and measuring equipment to determine the feasibility of establishing a base. Given the inflexibility of Trump’s earthbound base, such a mission could backfire, creating upheaval, constipation or worse far out in space.
Trump has stated publicly that he considers the Space Force ”so important,” but sources close to the President say that’s an understatement, especially when it comes to Uranus. Even though Trump is an avowed germophobe, those sources say he feels a deep need for close contact. “He wants to be close enough to touch Uranus,” said one, “and he has a deep and persistent desire to explore its innermost secrets. Probes are a start, but he’s contemplating even closer physical exploration.”
Republican legislators have largely been supportive of the President’s initiative, but Pentagon officials are skeptical. “Does he even know what goes on there?” questioned one. “Uranus is a gassy, windy place so far away that you could literally say the sun doesn’t shine. Our probes will get contaminated so fast that we’ll have to flush them with radiation to get any useful information. Only a fool would consider physical exploration. We’ll leave it at that.”
One source close to the President points to the likelihood that Uranus has a diamond core as a possible reason for the Space Force directive. Although he discloses little to the public, experts believe Trump to be heavily indebted to Russian oligarchs, and he may be looking to the gassy sphere for financial salvation. “Besides,” says the source,” everyone knows how much the President likes shiny objects. How much shinier can you get than a sea of liquid diamond?’
